Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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