I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am naked and annoyed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
