my phone cant type all the emotion im having
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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