if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Two words: blizzard sex
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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