I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
