I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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