Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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