When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
