We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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