how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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