I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The Olympian is in my bed
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
