if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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