I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need water and some morals
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
