The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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