no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
