I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
