Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
