its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
