john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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