I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
