I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
