people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we're so committed to being not committed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
