You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
