Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
