What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
