It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
