never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
