I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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