There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
