Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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