We won't sleep together?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my being single is dangerous.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
