I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
