just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
