...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
