And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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