Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
