I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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