got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
