i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
