Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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