it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
