I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
