He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
