Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
