she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
