i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We're too hungover to prance.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
