I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
