my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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