Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
