just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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