Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
