got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
