You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She announced her abortion via fbk
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
