shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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