The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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